It’s Valentine’s day 2025. 

Leading up to today, I asked myself what lesson I learned early on about love. My father’s voice came to mind with a saying he would often say when friends would ask him how he managed to stay married for over 30 years with my mother. Being the humorous man that he was, he half- joked about his experiences in being married for decades by stating that the secret to a long marriage was the level of endurance in the marriage in being able to put up with them. In Spanish he would say, “He estado casado por 30 años. ¡Que aguante!”. Truth is my father was tolerating not enduring love with his partner in a marriage of 30+ years.

Sitting with this memory of my early childhood, I realized in that moment that I was taught to tolerate and endure in love and in romantic relationships. As a young child I learned that love was conditional and had to be earned. The longer I sat with it, I realized this pattern of love had been a part of my family lineage for generations with ancestors that held on to “love” with low standards, fear of loss, and or lack of leadership.

Wanting to understand these generational family patterns, I started to explore and gain clarity with tolerance and endurance, because knowing the difference makes the difference in so many parts of our lives.

The difference between tolerating and enduring lies in the level of agency, acceptance, and emotional impact.

Tolerating is passive acceptance of a situation, person, or thing.

Surface-level acceptance. You allow something to exist but don’t necessarily agree with it.

• You withstand discomfort, but often with resentment or reluctance.
• There’s an implied resistance. You might not like it, but you deal with it because you have to (or think you have to). 
• Example: You tolerate an unreliable team member because you don’t want to deal with the hassle of replacing them.

Enduring is active strength.

• Deeper resilience. You go through something difficult with strength and patience.
• There’s a sense of purpose or necessity. You endure because you believe in what’s on the other side.
• You may feel discomfort, but there’s an internal choice to bear it.
• Example: You endure the struggles of entrepreneurship because you know your vision is worth it and creates good in the world.

The key difference in tolerating is often about putting up with something you don’t want, while enduring is about persevering through something difficult with strength and intention with the knowing that it’s coming from a place of love – not fear!

In this season of love, a question to ask yourself is if you are tolerating something that’s draining you, or are you enduring something that’s refining you?

Your answer may be the bridge to the new version of you who recognizes old toxic patterns and chooses to be the change!

I see you.

You see me.

I love you.

Zeahlot

P.S. If you’re ready to be the change – I’m here for it! Book your call with me here.