You’re not a coach. You are a highly paid slave.

If you find yourself doing the heavy lifting, dragging someone’s business toward progress while they sit idle, absorbed in excuses, you’re enabling them, not empowering them.

There’s a massive difference between these two, and staying in that dynamic doesn’t serve either of you.

Early on in my career as a coach, I found myself carrying much of the weight for clients I didn’t qualify correctly to have access to me and my skills. I poured my energy into solving their challenges, driving results, and practically willing their businesses to succeed.

But I began to notice something critical: I was becoming their crutch rather than their coach. They looked to me as the answer instead of tapping into their own ability to find direction.

They were looking for advice vs. mentorship.

They were looking for someone to do the critical thinking.

They were looking for a savior, and unaware myself of this dynamic, I fit the role as the martyr I had played my whole life prior to serving clients in the capacity of personal and professional growth.

My ability to make the unconscious conscious and take extreme responsibility for my decisions in continuing toxic cycles that played out with my clients helped me understand and be able to better see it when it is happening with fellow leaders in the space.

Goodwill and good-hearted individuals continue to propel and enable clients to stay dependent on someone else leading their life, versus empowering them to take the leading role for their life, love, and business.

My experience over the last 10 years has taught me a hard but invaluable lesson about boundaries, expectations, and standards.

It has led me to create a different approach, one that I follow to this day: 

I am merely the guide, not the compass.

My role is to offer insights, support, and structure. My mentees must take ownership of their path. If I do all the heavy lifting, I rob them of the resilience and confidence that comes from facing their own challenges, keeping them out of their power.

As a coach, mentor, or guide, your role is to spark someone’s own inner fire. 

You’re there to show them the tools, guide them through the processes, and help them unearth the courage they need to confront their own roadblocks.

What you’re not there to do is hustle for them. That’s not your responsibility. And if they’re unwilling to face the friction that growth requires, you’re only enabling a pattern of dependency that will ultimately keep them stuck.

There’s a fine line between guiding and rescuing. The former creates resilience, the latter breeds dependency. We don’t do the work for someone else because they’re too “busy” or feel overwhelmed.

No.

True growth requires discomfort, commitment, and energy—on their part. As a coach, your duty is to ignite the power within them, not to hand them results on a silver platter. When we forget this, we become people-pleasers and enablers, lifting the heavy for them while they stay stagnant.

The exchange of energy must be balanced. A powerful relationship between a coach and client is founded on mutual respect for effort. It requires the client to take ownership, to be brave enough to look at their own blind spots, and to push through when things get tough. Your job is to guide, inspire, and provide structure. If they aren’t meeting you halfway, they’re draining you and robbing themselves of the opportunity to truly transform. That’s not coaching—that’s servitude (… hence why I said you’re a highly paid slave 😉).

So if you’re in a situation where you feel like the only one fighting for their growth, step back. Realize that allowing them to stay passive won’t empower them. Realize that real, lasting change only happens when they’re invested and committed. Draw that line. Teach them that they’re strong enough to carry their own weight and that true progress comes when they face, not avoid, their challenges.

In the end, the goal is to create, nurture, and support leaders, not dependents. And to do that, we must be unafraid to let people carry their own burdens, face their own fears, and emerge stronger on the other side.

Don’t mistake enabling for empathy, and don’t mistake handholding for empowered support.

True empowerment comes from teaching people to show up for themselves. That’s where real transformation lives.

Cheers to growth! 🥂

🤍 Zeahlot

P.S. I’m extending my private mentorship sessions from 90 minutes to 2 hours, exclusively for those who book via email. If you’re ready to stop enabling dependency and start empowering true growth, secure your spot here: Book Mentorship Session